Wow. What an awkward little vehicle!

I drive a midsize/luxury sedan. I like my space.. and I wasn't expecting my elbow to get clobbered by both the door and the seat when I tried to do something simple like closing the door (had the seat been back farther when I got in, this probably wouldn't have happened.) The brake pedal alone is enough to skyrocket my chances of getting into an accident by 20billion%. The pedal "rolls up" towards the front of the vehicle, rather than "pushing down" like in.. EVERY single other car EVER.

Trying to accelerate felt like I was driving a manual car for the very first time. The delay as the automatic transmission shifted gears was almost painful. It was probably only 2-3 seconds, but it felt like an eternity of the engine being disconnected from the wheels.

I had joked when I first saw the key about it looking like part of a Fisher Price/Playskool set. The key has an enormous rounded plastic head that contains the Lock / Unlock / Trunk / Alarm buttons and literally looks like a toy… I hardly expected the vehicle to mirror those impressions and leave me feeling like I was driving something designed for "Ages 3+".

Another reason why people should be wary of being my roommate – I'm a pain in the ass, and make no sense most of the time. This is a conversation that may have happened this morning at around 8:30.


RM: Are you done in the bathroom?
Me: Yep. Go for it.
RM: I'm gonna be really late today! 🙂
Me: Me too!
RM: … don't you work 9-6?
Me: Yeah… but I have to go to the zoo first.
RM: The zoo?
Me: Yeah
RM: Why?
Me: Because the more I talk, the later you'll be.
RM: Jerkface!

On June 10th, I'll be giving away a $5 Amazon.com gift card. Entry is simple:

1) Follow @sparxmind on twitter (twitter.com/sparxmind)
2) Tweet the following message: (copy and paste the tweet below, or click here to tweet it)

Win a FREE $5 Amazon Gift Card from @sparxmind .com! More details at http://bit.ly/S1Ru8 #contest #free

The winner will be randomly chosen June 1st, and announced publicly (via twitter) on June 10th.

Incomplete or modified tweets differing from the "official" tweet listed above will not count as entries.

One entry per person – retweeting multiple times will not increase your odds of winning.

If the chosen winner is no longer following @sparxmind on June 10th, a new winner will be randomly chosen and will be announced as the winner.

Accounts that appear to have been made for the sole purpose of entering this (or another contest) will not be eligible.

These restrictions can be added to or amended if it appears someone has found an unforeseen loophole, in my bizarre wording.

I have to disagree with spudart (who claims that 57 degrees is the perfect temperature!), and proclaim that 62 degrees is the perfect temperature.

57 is nice and all, but if there's any breeze, it's just plain chilly. When it's 62 degrees though, a small to moderate breeze feels GREAT.

If you happen to live by a lake or other large body of water, you're probably thinking that both 57 and 62 are CRAAAAZY temperatures to claim as "ideal". You're wrong. You are wrong, you lake dwelling person.

Which reminds me – I really need to do something with LunchIsNice.com

I'm looking for ideas for brightening up the situation regarding this darn swine flu that I can't stop hearing about. Here are a couple of things that I've come up with:

1) Relabel maps that show the spread of swine flu with titles like "Places Where People Weren't Taught How To Was Their Hands", or "Progression Of Zombie Apocalypse".

2) Pretend that confirmed cases of swine flu are actually confirmed cases of zombie threat. Remember, they can only be stopped by removing the head, or destroying the brain!

Dear Pepsi Peoples,

Thank you for listening and providing Mountain Dew Throwback (made with REAL sugar) as an alternative to "regular" Mountain Dew (or as it's been rebranded: "Mutton Dew") which contained nasty nasty High Fructose Corn Syrup.

The taste is different than what I'm used to, but I'm 90% certain that I prefer the taste of Throwback – even though the name "throwback" itself is entirely unappetizing.

I will be writing and mailing you a similar, but more in depth, letter soon.

Thanks,
sparx