Where Are the 'Star Trek' Phasers?

Hey, Science! You're seriously slacking here guy.

Where are the fleets of human spacecraft scouring the universe looking for conflict?

Where are the nifty transporters that rip you apart atom by atom and then reassemble you somewhere else?

Where are the hot green alien chicks? How come people that wear red shirts aren't the only ones that ever die?

But most importantly – Where are the Phasers?!

I know, the world isn't ready for a weapon whose dial changes its lethality from "stun" all the way to "vaporize that jerk!", but you know who IS ready for it? Me. I am. So, Science,  let's get crackin on this, because right now, the best you've done is given me this REPLICA Star Trek Phaser. It's cool and everything, but it won't defend me against Klingons… or Sylar.

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