Where Are the 'Star Trek' Phasers?

Hey, Science! You're seriously slacking here guy.

Where are the fleets of human spacecraft scouring the universe looking for conflict?

Where are the nifty transporters that rip you apart atom by atom and then reassemble you somewhere else?

Where are the hot green alien chicks? How come people that wear red shirts aren't the only ones that ever die?

But most importantly – Where are the Phasers?!

I know, the world isn't ready for a weapon whose dial changes its lethality from "stun" all the way to "vaporize that jerk!", but you know who IS ready for it? Me. I am. So, Science,  let's get crackin on this, because right now, the best you've done is given me this REPLICA Star Trek Phaser. It's cool and everything, but it won't defend me against Klingons… or Sylar.

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  1. spudart said,

    Do you mean in real life or in the new Star Trek movie out this year?

    May 29, 2009 @ 1:47 pm

  2. sparx said,

    real life

    May 29, 2009 @ 1:49 pm

  3. Cactus Joe said,

    This is why: http://bit.ly/xmmJi

    Or more aptly, this contains an explanation as to why.

    I read this when I was in college. It looks like they reprinted a new edition in anticipation of the new movie. It's actually a pretty cool way to teach kids physics.

    If you're into that. Personally, I think that constitutes battery.


    May 30, 2009 @ 12:16 pm

  4. Bruce Knack said,

    Phasers are for humans… real Martians use an "Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator"

    … they also hate rabbits.

    May 31, 2009 @ 9:53 am

  5. sparx said,

    So, you're saying you can procure me a phaser, since I'm human? 🙂

    May 31, 2009 @ 10:08 am

  6. Bruce Knack said,

    Not so much…

    I'm just pointing out that when I can get rid of this rabbit, you won't have any use for a phaser!

    … wish I had one just now though, they work great on rabbits!

    May 31, 2009 @ 10:14 am

  7. unlikelymoose said,

    Well, at least you could buy yourself a replica of Captain Kirk's commander chair.

    If that's what the future looks like, then I don't want any part of it. Apparently industrial design takes a turn for the worse in 2266.

    June 1, 2009 @ 9:42 am

  8. sparx said,

    I always found it amazing how uncomfortable the chairs in the bridge looked. Really? People are going to spend that much time sitting in chairs that look like they're from the $15 rack at an office supply store?

    No cushioning and no thought put into ergonomics?

    The future is bleak.
    …. and with lots of chronic back problems.

    June 1, 2009 @ 9:51 am

  9. spudart said,

    NO way man, that chair is the ergonomic delight we all desire. AND it's got BUTTONS… and SWITCHES.

    June 1, 2009 @ 1:43 pm

  10. spudart said,

    What they will have in the future is a phaser gun that shoots out laser rays that form a grid, and you can sit on the grid of lasers. It will perfectly conform, mould and shape to suit your body.

    The laser-photon chair will come in different densities. Most people will want to go with a 4lb density. The idea is that the higher the density the more support you will receive. You need to keep in mind that if you do want a higher density then you will have pay more. If there is any downside to laser-photon chairs it is that its fairly expensive.

    June 1, 2009 @ 1:45 pm

  11. unlikelymoose said,

    Hello, I would like to purchase this phaser gun butt conforming chair product. I don't see any links on this page to where I can buy the phaser gun chair. I called Target and WalMart and they said they don't carry it. I want to get a 3lb density chair for home and a 5lb density chair for work.

    June 2, 2009 @ 10:27 am

  12. sparx said,

    For some reason I'm cautious about searching for that from work. :-/

    June 2, 2009 @ 10:29 am

  13. unlikelymoose said,

    Also, there is no information on this website about what colors the phaser gun butt conforming chair comes in. I want my 3lb density chair for home to be the color Mace Windu's purple light saber. And I want my 5lb density chair for work to be a steel blue color. Please tell me which colors are available. Thank you.

    June 2, 2009 @ 10:31 am

  14. sparx said,

    Did you just combine Star Trek and Star Wars in that comment? I think there are people that would kill over something like that… if they weren't 100lbs and blinded by sunlight or anything brighter than the lighting in their mom's basement.

    June 2, 2009 @ 10:35 am

  15. sparx said,

    I'll do one worse by posting links for both Star Wars Pez Dispensers AND Star Trek Pez Dispensers!

    June 2, 2009 @ 10:46 am

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